Dads

People will frequently point out how much Paul and I look alike.  I smile and tell them “We get that a lot.”

I hope I have given him much more than his ‘good looks.’ Same for Holly. My goal, as a dad, has been to prepare them for the future; to teach them about the value of hard work, honesty and how to set goals and to do what is necessary to achieve them. But more than providing them a work ethic, I have tried to teach them how to have good clean fun.

They’re about to fly from the nest, so we’ll soon see how well the lessons took!

There isn’t a handbook about ‘How to be the Perfect Dad.’ I’m sure you could find plenty of books online proposing to have the answers.

Dads my age, I think, are more hands-on, more affectionate and less formal than the ones in the previous generation. Who’s to say which style is better?

There were good dads and not so good ones that I knew when I was a kid. When I think about most of the dads in the neighborhood I grew up in, I think of a bunch of guys who were unfriendly grumps.

We played a lot of sports on our street – whatever sport was in season. Everyone, it seemed, had a basketball court in the driveway.  And, to be fair, we’d frequently move our pick-up basketball games from house to house so no one shouldered too much of the burden. One day it’d be one guy’s turn to play host; the next day the game moved down the street to someone else’s driveway.

There were a few houses, though, where you knew the presence of the home dad would be a part of the proceedings.

One guy had a dad who was very ‘hands on’ when it came to our basketball games. When we’d go to this house to play ball, his dad would always stand off to the side criticizing his son’s game. From time to time, he’d offer a positive comment and even less frequently, he’d provide some coaching to the others of us who had showed up to play.

For the most part, he just ripped his kid. “Use your left hand; go to your left. Otherwise, you’re too predictable.” “Give him a head fake!” “Drive, drive, drive. Take the ball to the hole!” “Your shooting form is lousy.”

You get the picture. 

The ‘coaching’ made that experience less enjoyable for all.

But down the block, there was a guy who had it even worse. Whereas the guy in the first example was busy critiquing his son, and you tolerated that, when we played at the second house, you just hoped his pop wouldn’t be around at all. Sometimes you’d get lucky; sometimes not.

When he did show up – often he’d be dropped off in front of his house by a carpool after his day at work – you’d hear the click, click, click of his shoes as he came down the driveway. His ominous arrival was always punctuated by a heavy scowl when you first saw his face and then silence as the game stopped for him to pass through.

We always felt that our mere presence was a tremendous imposition. Rarely would this guy ever pause to say a curt ‘hello boys’ on his way into the house.

There’s a third kid I can think of with an even worse situation. If the first dad was overly critical and the second dad grumpy, the third one I am thinking of was simply weird. It’s a lucky thing that they didn’t have a basketball court. None of us would have ever gone there.

Compared to the dads behind Door #1, Door #2 and Door #3, I had it pretty lucky. My dad is good. And not only was he fairly friendly when the guys would show up to shoot hoops at the Jeff Dome, sometimes he’d even join in.

So, what are the ‘teachable moments’ from these memories even as we make new memories associated with Father’s Day 2013?

Well, for one thing, I think no matter how bad things are for you, you realize someone else has got it worse.

Secondly, generational styles are different, but I think, generally speaking, all us dads have our hearts in the right place. Most, anyway.

I worked side-by-side with a lot of dads with different styles during my years in the baseball league and, more recently, as a volunteer in the FHS theatre program. Lots of good guys; lots of good dads - active, involved, positive.

Third, my dad is a good guy. We don’t look alike the way Paul and I do – there is probably some definite family resemblance – but, more importantly, we share the same values. He taught me a lot and, who knows, maybe, occasionally, I can return the favor.

Happy Father’s Day, Nick. And, to all the other dads who happen to be reading along as well. Whether you’re at the pool or the lake, watching golf or the NBA Finals, or grilling or eating out, I hope everyone has a great day! 

JG

(Source: Yahoo!)

Originally posted 6/16/2013