Batteries Not Included

Occasionally around our house, the talk turns to nostalgia. And from time to time, a few of those discussions creep into Coach Jeff’s Blog.

The other night, Lisa mentioned a couple vintage toys from her childhood. One of the toys that she remembered from childhood was vintage Smokey Bear doll. I would imagine that was quite a nice toy in its time. 

We also talked about a number of talking toys from childhood – things like the old See-n-Say, which would talk when you pulled the string. Later versions of the See-n-Say featured a pull-down lever that engaged the talking mechanism.

I can’t remember if any of my G.I. Joes had a pull ring to engage a voice. I know some of my buddies did have that talking G.I. Joe version.

No discussion of talking toys would be complete, however, with me recalling two of my favorites from childhood…and their ongoing interaction with batteries.

By the mid-70s, many toys were battery-powered (although you frequently noted the sad information on the packaging: ‘Batteries Not Included’). If those toys came on Christmas morning and Santa had not planned ahead, it was a long wait until December 26. 

I don’t remember that ever happening to me. But, I do remember some other classic battery-related stories. I’m not sure why the sound of ‘run-down batteries’ is so funny to me but it has always been that way. My sister reports she finds them humorous as well.

In fact, we started talking about this over the weekend and then she sent me this hilarious clip (featuring my adorable niece) of batteries dying in a manger scene, Christmas set-about. I laughed out loud (so did she) - with no disrespect intended - as the music got slowwwwer and slowwwwerrrrrrrr. 

Obviously, if you play and play and play something powered by a battery, it’s going to run down. It’s a simple fact. And so it was with NFL Talking Football. 

On this game, you had a game apparatus that resembled a large transistor radio (think Gilligan’s Island). There was a slot for a disk. The player ‘on offense’ would select the disk (it looked like a mini LP) for a specific play (screen pass, draw play, quarterback sneak) and then hand the unit to the player ‘on defense.’

He’d dial the disk, viewing the various defense selections (blitz, nickel, standard, prevent) and then pop the disk into the unit. At that point, you’d hear the play-by-play announcer telling you what happened on the play.

The ‘flea-flicker pass’ play went like this: 
“Hand off to the halfback; lateral to the quarterback. Flea flicker pass. TOUCHDOWN!”

Amazing that I can remember that after all these years.

Well, as entertaining as the flea-flicker was, it could not compare to the classic that my friend Ed and I have quoted over all these years:

“Fumbled…high in the air (sound of crowd noise). Up for grabs…the defense gets it! (sound of crowd noise again…louder).”

We’d chuckle whenever we’d hear that particular call. But, we’d wind up rolling in the floor once the batteries were drained. In that scenario, the call sounded like this:

“Fummmmblllledddd…hiiiiiiigh in the airrrrrrrr (sound of warped crowd noise). Up for grrrrrabbbbssss…the deeeeeefenssssssse getsssss itttttt!” (sound of warped crowd noise…on steroids…).

Oh, if I had a dime for every time he and I cracked each other up with that one. Still, as classic as the NFL Talking Football was…nothing could compare to Ed’s Big Jim Rescue Rig, which was one part fire truck/one part command center as I recall. It looked much like this one I found on eBay recently.

I know I’ve told you about Big Jim (and his buddy Big Jack) before. I had the Big Jim camper and that was a lot of fun.

But Ed had the crown jewel in the Big Jim collection. You see, Big Jim was a renaissance man. He was an athlete; he was an outdoorsman. And, in his spare time, presumably, he was a first responder.

If you pushed the ‘talkie’ button on the Big Jim Rescue Rig communication device, you’d likely hear this news: “Woo Woo Woo (Sound of siren). Fire on Main Street! Bring the stretchers! (Sound of siren) Woo Woo Woo.”

Now imagine the rescue rig when the batteries were running low.

“Woooooe. Woooooe. Woooooe. Farrrrrr onnnnnn Maaaaaaainnnn Streeeeeet. Brrrrrrrring the Stretcherrrrrrs. Wooooooe. Wooooooe. Woooooe.”

Please understand. I’m not in any way mocking the work of first responders. They do vital work each and every day to keep us safe. It’s just a toy. And a childhood memory. 

When I think of the Big Jim Rescue Rig…with the batteries running down…it’s guaranteed to bring a laugh (I laughed when I typed that just a moment ago). If Ed reads this piece later tonight or tomorrow, he’ll laugh too. My sister will also chuckle.

There’s something about hearing that pseudo warped/half slow version of talk produced by the drained batteries…it gets us every time.

In some ways, it almost makes you want to run the batteries down first and then play with the toy. Hey, there’s a thought. Talk about instant therapy. If you’re ever feeling blue, that just might snap you out of it.

JG

Originally posted 8/5/2014