The Next Thing

I walked into a local drug store today while the young clerk was boxing up the last of the Valentine’s Day greeting cards.

Even as the various heart-shaped confections have been slashed to rock-bottom prices at the local large discount store, the St. Patrick’s Day merchandise is already out for sale.

It would seem that St. Patrick’s Day is ‘the next thing.’

In our family, we can’t think of St. Patrick’s Day without including Holly. That, you see, is her birthday. She already has a closet full of various shamrock, clover and leprechaun shirts. So, I didn’t feel the need to add another one to our shopping cart.

I’m still wondering about those boxes of outdated greeting cards, though. What happens to them?

• Is there an island of misfit cards?
• Does some closeout chain buy them up for next year’s holiday?
• Does every vendor box up the unused stock for sale next year?

This is just how my imagination works. Still, I really want to know the answer.

I can envision a large warehouse somewhere with stacks and stacks of shelving labeled by the holiday: Arbor Day, Flag Day, Labor Day. You get the idea. Maybe the shelving for April Fool’s Day would be left intentionally blank.

The shelves could be color-coded: pink for Valentine’s, purple for Easter. The more obscure dates would be stored higher up; the more mainstream holidays would be closer to the ground. 

Obviously, the unsold chocolate has a definitive shelf life. I would say within a few days, it has to be taken out of circulation. Shirts, hats, stuffed bears and other St. Valentine’s memorabilia could also go to storage.

In my mind’s eye, I see a portly fellow named ‘Bud,’ who sports a five o'clock shadow…even at 10 a.m. Bud is an erudite supervisor who has ‘been there, done that.’ He has seen it all.

Bud turns to his youthful sidekick, “Ricky” and nods to the cadre of boxes as he says “Take’m to the warehouse.”

When Ricky gets to the warehouse, he finds a grizzled forklift operator, “Junior.” He tells him “Bud says these go on the Valentine’s shelf.” Junior nods and doesn’t say much as he “forks” the stacks of boxes off Ricky’s truck and down the aisle to some unseen part of the building

In reality, it may not be this way. This is just the scenario I cooked up as I watched the young clerk meticulously matching Snoopy cards with similar sized envelopes and adding them to the stack of Kalle Anka and Toy Story already in her box.

JG

Originally posted 2/19/2014