Santa Baby

One of the recurring family stories in our household is that when Paul Gary was a youngster, he often held a grudge. 

He’s not “grudgeful” now, as a young adult, but it was definitely part of his personality during the pre-teen days. He held grudges against:

• Restaurant Kids’ Meals (because the portion size was so dang small)
• A barber he once met (because the guy went WAY overboard with his teasing during a haircut session)
• A teacher who once made him work over spring break (because, you know, spring break is no time for work)

Probably his most noteworthy grudge, however, isn’t against any person or institution. It’s about a song 

For years, we have enjoyed the transition into the Christmas season by hearing festive seasonal music. Still, we have specifically avoided one holiday tune in particular. At no time can we play or hear the song, “Santa Baby.”

Not the venerable Eartha Kitt version; not the sultry and suggestive Madonna rendition. No version at all. No “Santa Baby” in our home whatsoever (although what I listen to while driving my car is my own business).

The aversion to this clever Santa send-up dates back, I think, to Paul’s second grade year. Indeed, his life as a performer on stage goes all the way back that far.

We always knew that Paul was likely to be an entertainer and, in all seriousness, he’s been quite successful at it. He started at an early age.

He was constantly regaling his baseball teammates in the dugout with a medley of songs. Earlier, he played the coveted role of “Co-Narrator” in the Kindergarten production of “Brrr Brrr Polar Bear,” but that’s a story for another time.

At any rate, in the noteworthy second grade production, he played the role of the “Jolly Ol’ Elf” himself.

Aye, there’s the rub.

Second graders, as you know, are quick to tease. And one day when the aforementioned tune was being played in the aforementioned class, I think a few of the second graders may have made the connection. They might EVEN have gone so far as to start referring to young Mr. Gary as “Santa Baby.” There were even rumors of giggling girls saying the line…and then giggling some more.

It’s not so hard to imagine that a few of those giggles put an end to the song as a part of our holiday repertoire. Just as he occasionally mentions the injustice of a spring break devoted to re-doing a project for science class, he equally displays his disdain for the song.

It’s perpetually left ‘unchecked’ in my iTunes just for safety’s sake.

Maybe in retrospect, his ‘grudge’ isn’t against the song as it was against his fellow classmates co-opting the tune for their own nefarious use. No matter. The moment is past. The song is verboten.

But, you just know that somewhere, the song plays on. It’s probably airing on some radio station, somewhere even as we speak.

So, the next time you hear Eartha…or Madonna (or some other performer covering that novelty song), feel free to enjoy.

Just know that somewhere, there is likely to be a second grade performance starring a little Kris Kringle and he’s probably not going to be singing along.

JG

Originally posted 12/5/2013