Friendly Face

I must have a friendly face.

Or maybe it’s more like my face says: “Sap. Will fall for scheme.”

Over the years, it seems like I am constantly the target of anyone peddling a product. Magazine sales. Coupon books (not the ones the schools sell). Super car buffing and detailing. The list goes on.

Panhandlers love me. Did I ever tell you the one about the young lady who just needed a little “gas money to get back to Chattanooga?”

In any case, over the years, it seems like I have been frequently approached in the name of commerce and free enterprise.

Back when the kids were little, there was this money making scheme that was spreading across the land called “Network Marketing,’’ also known as “Multi-Level Marketing” (MLM). Who knows? It could still be all the rage. I haven’t heard about it recently.

Fifteen years ago, I admit, I didn’t know about the practice at all. Nothing, that is, until I had been approached more than once. It seemed like I must have been the perfect prospect. Or, maybe it’s the friendly face.

All of these memories came rushing back a couple weeks ago when my dad told me a story about an encounter he had with a gentleman who approached him in the grocery store parking lot. Maybe the practice is resurfacing? Or maybe that fellow needed “gas money to get back to Chattanooga” too?

Anyway whatever the case, back in the day, it was clear I had a rapidly developing situation on my hands. I had to quickly become self-educated because in a one-year span, it became a frequent nuisance. Then, I developed some tips and tricks to avoid the traps.

If you might find it helpful, I’ll do a quick how-to. (If you’re in the business, apologies in advance).

Here’s a typical scenario.

Some polite, nicely dressed guy would find some reason to come up and talk with you out of the blue…might be admiring the kids…or the football sweatshirt you were wearing…or something like that.

In any case, he’d have an opening line. "Hey, I love that St. Louis Cardinals jersey. Are you a fan?” He’d engage you in friendly conversation. (Amazingly, he’d be from St. Louis or his sister-in-law lived there). Eventually, he’d introduce himself. I’d return in kind. We’d chat a bit more. And that would be that.

Well, the first time it happened, I had a nice encounter with the fellah in West Town Mall. I thought nothing of the three-minute exchange until I got a phone call late on a Sunday night – coming up on 10 p.m. - about two weeks later. The dude reminded me we had met in the mall and he proceeded to tell me about a great business opportunity. Eventually, I was able to politely interrupt and say “No, thanks.”

I gather the ‘opportunity’ is I would sell some products and he would get some benefits. I don’t think that is exactly how he explained it. I remember some buzzwords. “Tremendous growth potential” comes to mind.

The whole thing happened to me again a few weeks later. Same outline. Same type of exchange. Different guy.

About a week later, he phoned me, too. Again, it was late on a Sunday night. Another time, it happened near the meat counter in Kroger. Same outline.

I think I must’ve fit the prototype of a guy who they could recruit (um, I mean, who might be interested in “Tremendous growth potential”). I was a young(ish) professional. Family man. (I think Holly was about three years old at the time). Anyway, there must’ve been some reason I kept getting picked. Like I said…maybe the face.

On a third occasion, just a couple weeks later, I saw that the first gentleman was back in business - this time at Wal-Mart. He had found Lisa and started his routine one day near the mouthwash and toothpaste aisle. I think he was admiring the cute kid in the shopping cart.

When I saw him engaging Lisa, I briskly went over, reintroduced myself and reminded him of our earlier late night phone conversation I reiterated that we weren’t interested.

I might’ve added something about “Don’t bother us again and do I need to find a Wal-Mart manager and ask what he’d think of the 'Shakedown on Aisle 4.’

In any case, since that day in Wal-Mart when the kids were little, I haven’t been approached.

Maybe it is because the kids are older. Maybe it is because I stopped wearing sports jerseys after the Choppers days. Or perhaps my face doesn’t have ‘gullible’ stamped across the forehead.

Well, there was that one time about the gas money.

Still, I’m not interested. So if this ‘opportunity’ exists and you’re in the business, please don’t be offended.  It may be just the thing for you and it is wonderful and all that. But, also, please don’t ask me to get involved.

It’s just not for me.

JG

Originally posted 2/10/2013